How to Date When You're Always in Pain

Let's face it, doing just about anything when you're always in pain is difficult. Thinking about dating can feel daunting as all hell, especially these days. But suffering from chronic pain shouldn't stop you from finding your person. So, let's talk about a few ways to date successfully when you're always in pain.

Be open and honest about your situation.

Only you can decide how comfortable you are divulging your medical situation from the get-go, but I chose to put mine out there from the beginning. My online dating profile had a section that said, "Ask me about..." and my answer was, "my genetic condition." Low and behold, people asked and it started a conversation that needed to be had.

Don't try to hide your condition. It's not going to end well. The more upfront you can be, the easier it's going to be to weed out people who can't handle it. Also, starting out on a super open and honest foot is always best practice.

Honor what your body needs, regardless of existing plans

Living with chronic pain means your body's needs will change unexpectedly. It's essential to honor what your body needs, even if it means canceling plans or rescheduling a date. Don't push yourself beyond your limits just to make someone else happy. Your health should always come first, and a partner who cares about you will understand and support you.

Look for a partner who wants to know more about your condition(s)

It's a really good sign when your potential partner takes it upon themselves to research your condition(s) in order to learn more about them and in turn, you. I've come to believe this is something it's okay to expect. It means they're taking a vested interest in you and trying to learn how they can best show up for you.

My partner has done a lot of reading about my genetic condition and all its comorbidities. She knows she will never fully understand because she doesn't deal with what I deal with, but she does her absolute best to learn.

Allow your whole self to shine through, you are more than your pain.

Remember, you're a whole human with stories and hobbies, and goals and interests. Let yourself be known for everything you are, not just your pain. No body wants to be around a Wallowing Willy all the time, regardless of how warranted it may be. Your pain matters. It dictates a lot of what you can and can't do, but it's not the most interesting thing about you. Hell, I've had two total hip replacements and have a "rare disorder" and it's still not the most interesting thing about me, thank god.

Be your WHOLE self! Make sure they know that while you might have to cancel plans sometimes, and you might not always be able to keep up, you're determined to do what you can when you can, and that's what matters.

Remember your worth.

Don't you dare settle for any kind of less-than love because you're afraid you won't be able to do better. You can and you must do better. One of the key ways to take care of yourself when you're suffering from chronic pain is to make sure you're not surrounded by assholes. So don't get into a relationship with someone who simply "tolerates" your health situation, but makes it clear that it's putting them out. Fuck that.

You're not putting anyone out because of your chronic pain. You're living your life. You're doing your best and you deserve someone who is excited to share life with you knowing your pain is going to be part of that life.

Don't forget you don't need a relationship. You don't need a romantic partner to validate your existence. You only want to be in a relationship if it's adding value to your life. Otherwise, what's the point?